"Dis"connecting

With all my talk about "connections", I am now going to go against the grain and talk about DISconnecting.  I don't mean that I now have a new philosophy about our school and community, or expect each individual to act without consideration or alignment with others.  Rather, I am reflecting on the use of technology in our lives.

The Reading district prides itself in the use of using technology to enhance the classroom.  I am also not talking about this in this blog.  I believe strongly that technology can be a wonderful tool in the classroom.  That is for another blog post!

What I am talking about today is our personal dependency, as adults and young adults, to OVER-depend on  personal technology in our everyday lives.  So many things in life feel so important, and we need to know them, and deal with them, right away.  New work emails.  Phone calls from relatives.  Facebook updates.  The dinging of the phone as another text comes in ("come read me!  right now!" that sound cries).  The fact that we are always with technology creates an environment for always being reachable, and always being able to reach who and what we want, when we want it.  It's often a good thing.  Yet it's often a detrimental thing as well.

As adults, we can reflect back and can remember our first computers, our first email accounts, our first cell phones.  For me, personal technology began in high school, where I had a Brother typewriter with a small screen that allowed me to type my writing assignments on the screen prior to hitting the "print" button, at which point the typewriter portion of the device would go into action, slapping my words onto the paper.  If I wanted to use a computer, I went to the school library with my hard disk, where I could use the (new!) Apple computers to word process.  Mind you, I went to a top-notch high school that had everything to offer to its students.  But not yet the internet, not yet cell phones, not yet email.  And while I'm starting to feel old, that wasn't too very long ago!

Throughout my college years, technology grew rapidly; I got my first computer (it had its problems) with my first Ethernet cable and email by my senior year.  While word processing got easier, and the ability to email friends was so exciting, we made most of our plans, and shared information, by phone or face, in dining halls, classes, and on the sports fields.  To find each other we often went for walks around the small college town, as we didn't yet have cell phones.

And so that pattern continued through graduate school and my early adulthood, with hard-wired phones being the mode of communication and the internet developing in leaps and bounds.  I did much of my research in libraries and with real texts.  Professors provided handouts and binders with information to read.  I called my parents, siblings, and friends at least weekly from my home phone.

It has been seventeen years since I left graduate school (I realize I am dating myself here).... fast forward to the vacation week that we are just finishing.  I am reflecting on my own use of technology over this week, as well as that of my children.  And I am wondering if the rest of you reflect on this as well.  How dependent were you on technology?  How dependent were your children?  Those 7th graders who attended Prindle Pond did not bring cell phones and did not call home during their 4.5 days away from home; there were no gaming devices or computers.  How did they handle that when they first heard of it?  How did it feel for them?  How did it feel for you?  While it probably made intellectual sense (let the kids immerse themselves in the experience), in reality it was probably a challenge for many.  But did it enhance the experience?  Certainly.  Did it allow them to focus on face to face communication, relationships, and real-life connections?  Absolutely.  So for that experience, the LACK of technology allowed enhancement of connections.  This is one example about the importance of face to face experiences, not just technology, for making connections with people.

As for my vacation week, I really struggled with dis-connecting.  I purposefully went away in order to separate myself from my home and all the projects that I would do if I was in my home space.  I also felt it healthy to separate from work, emails, phone calls, and the list of work things to do, as the list is never ending.  I packed a great book, exercise clothing, and a list of (fun!) things I wanted to do on vacation.  Yet I still also packed my work computer and of course my cell phone.  As for my children, while they brought their iPods and iPad devices (which were certainly useful during travel), theu also packed books, snorkels, cards, and beach games.  My husband, who wasn't officially on vacation but thankfully took a few days off, rightfully brought his work computer and cell phone.

How did we do with my intention for us to dis-connect?  I give the my son and me about a C, while my daughter and husband earned a B.  While I only did one of the three projects on my mind this vacation (which is good that I restrained myself), I did check work email (on my phone) on many occasions, including while on the beach (which seems contradictory to the point of being on the beach, doesn't it?), at the pool, and out to dinner.  While my response rate wasn't as great or lengthy as normal, I hadn't set an "on vacation" default set, so felt that I should address any issues that wanted (not even needed) my attention.

My son struggled more with the concept of "relaxing" in a new setting.  To relax, to him, means to veg out watching Sports Center or a comedy show.  It was hard for him to find the beach relaxing, or kayaking, or anything that didn't involve DOING sports or interacting with technology in the form of a TV, iPad, or gaming device.  He did find some time to read during the day as a relaxing activity, which was good.  But I often found him technologically connected rather than immersing himself in his new environment.

As for my daughter and husband, they were better at enjoying the location, not picking up devices with any regularity, and focusing more on the environment.  They were able to sit quietly, enjoy the sun and beach activities, and be in the moment.  Their ability to do so allowed them to better immerse themselves in the experience.

This is a challenge I know many of us face, not just on vacations, but in our daily lives.  How do we use technology when we need it, but make good decisions and limit our use during times of wanting rather than needing?  And are we good about really differentiating the difference?  I personally know I need to work more on being present with those who are with me, to pay attention to what they are doing, saying, asking.  At work, am I making time to have face to face conversations, or if someone stops in my office, am I detaching from what I was doing on the computer to be actively present?  At home, more importantly, am I separating work and home, and technology and face time, to be present with my family?  Am I modeling for my children the example I want to be?

In an age where technology allows many connections beyond our smaller, more personal worlds, it should never interrupt or substitute for having real world experiences, making real-life connections, and building face to face relationships.  So while I continue to work on my communication with staff and parents, and utilize technology to help with that, I am also reminded to balance that with face to face connections.  I invite you to reflect on your balance, and to share your thoughts as to creating a balance between appropriate technology use and living life "present".

A "Brief" Note

Greetings, Coolidge Families!

The week ahead will be a brief one!  Students will be released for the vacation at 11:00 on Wednesday, as the staff has a two-day conference on Wednesday afternoon and all day Thursday.  I wish all families well as we head into our spring vacation!  Once we return, spring should officially be with us, and the end of the year will be in sight.

Speaking of spring, I want to address "brief briefs".  Last week at school, we spoke with all of our girls about proper dress now that the weather is warmer.  As a mother of a young girl, I know that the shopping options are limited when it comes to shorts, and that skimpy styles are "in".  We do ask that you please help your daughter to make conserative choices when dressing for school.  If you or she has to think twice about whether something is appropriate, it probably isn't.  And while many girls are just dressing with trends in mind, please try to help them to realize that there is style and beauty in dressing in a way that doesn't reveal their entire body shape.  To be more specific, shorts and skirts should cover all aspects of the bottom and uppermost thighs (both when standing and bending over at a locker), while shirts should cover the particulars of the top including the chest. Other shirts to avoid are off the shoulder, cropped, and low V-cut.  There has also been discussion about tight leggings.  While these are not part of our dress code, we find some pants leaving little to the imagination.  We leave these legging decisions up to families, but figure it is worth mentioning to factor into your discussions.  If a girls is dressed in a manner that is truly revealing and distracting to others, we will ask her to call home for additional layers or an alternative.  We would love to prevent this from happening!

Thank you for your attention to this matter!  And most of all, enjoy the warmer weather, and have a safe and restful vacation!

Removing Masks

I am writing this blog post on a Friday rather than Sunday, as I want to share today's assembly experience while it's fresh in my mind and heart.

For those of you who attended last night's performance by Michael Fowlin, you know what I'm talking about (or trying to put into words).  For those who were unable to attend, I will try to share with you what happened in today's performance at Coolidge, as it was extremely moving, and likely had a strong impact on all who saw it.

Michael Fowlin started his show with a poem by Langston Hughes:

Still Here

been scared and battered.
My hopes the wind done scattered.
Snow has friz me,
Sun has baked me,

Looks like between 'em they done
Tried to make me

Stop laughin', stop lovin', stop livin' --
But I don't care!
I'm still here!


From there, Michael started to take on different characters.  He was able to flow from one character to another in such a believable manner that the audience was left wondering what pieces of each character were actually him.  He began as a kindergartener with ADD, transformed into a black, gay football player, then to Jewish Korean student; a feminist; and a boy with cerebral palsy.  With each character, their mask was taken off and their truth was unveiled.  They were each beautiful for their differences.  He made the students then say, "I am beautiful," and then to someone near them, "You are beautiful."

While the show was filled with characters, it really wasn't about those characters.  It was about the audience.  By identifying with aspects of different characters, the audience was able to start to identify who each of them are under their own masks, what they truly struggle with , and what they share about themselves to be truth.  It was about getting us to admit to ourselves that our true selves are beautiful and we should wear this truth with pride.

Reading students wearing masks, you ask?  In this suburban, upper middle class community of good intent, high achievement, empathy, athleticism, and kindness, we are wearing masks?  Absolutely.  Michael noted (at last night's community presentation) that when he told a story to the high schoolers that often begets a laugh, they were quiet, which showed great emotional intelligence.  Yet in a community of students with high emotional intelligence, there are also risks, as this often means that the population doesn't connect with the fact that they are wearing masks.  In that case, the act of opening up, and exposing their individuality, is even more of a challenge in these situations.

So how did Michael challenge us to expose ourselves?  He kept coming back to the phrase, "There is a difference between what you are supposed to do and what you need to do."  This means don't just be a bystander in life.  Don't just let things happen and don't just try to go along with the "norm".   Instead, stand up for what you believe, identify who you are, and celebrate it.  Make a lasting difference.  Celebrate what makes each person different rather than conforming.  Don't be a "zebra", much less a lion that might attack a zebra.  The lions are obviously aggressive (bullies).  But when a zebra is attacked, what do the other zebras do?  Turn and run?  No, they stand and stare.  Don't be a zebra.

Michael asked a moving question: Who are you right now?  If your life were to end right now, what is your legacy?  Are you leaving behind a life you are proud of, something that can last positively beyond you, and because of you?

The room was silent.  So often we talk with children about their futures, and who they want to be, and what they want their life to be.  But who are they now?  What are they doing in the moment to define themselves, and to make the world a better place?  Are they making the people around them feel better after meeting them then before they met them?  Are they able to define who they are and to celebrate that?

A survey question asked an elderly population about what three things they would do differently if they could live life again.  The three top answers?
1) Reflect more.
2) Risk more.
3) Do more things that would live on after they pass on.

I encourage our families to do this together.  Reflect together about your challenges, both individual and as a family.  How do they impact you?  How do they define you?  Who are you, both individually and as a family?  Define who you are and own it.  Celebrate it. Take risks together.  And set goals as to what little things you can each do to make the world a better place.  They don't have to be big things; little things can make a big impact.  Find the truth each other, the people behind the masks, and give that truth power, both individually and together.  "We are far more powerful together than we are alone."

At the end of the assembly, I was on stage and I asked the audience to thank Dr. Fowlin one more time.  They began to clap.  And then they began to stand.  Within moments, all students and teachers were on their feet, clapping with thanks, some smiling, some crying.  It was the most powerful moment I have experienced in my nine years at Coolidge.  I knew that the students really felt the message of acceptance, owned the message, and were willing to stand up in support of it.  I was all teary and admitted that to the students.

I am so proud of them.  And now, moving forward, the adults in the school hope to support them as they speak their truth, as they own their lives, and as they take off their masks, and as they help to make the world a better place.  For some it won't be easy.  For some they are already doing it.  But to think that this experience can help to foster a celebration of diversity and individuality and difference.... how powerful.

Students, parents, Coolidge Community.... You are beautiful!